Finally some movement on the scale. Jeez! It was not the best weekend food wise, though, I must say, it was quite delicious...and I think I was holding a lot of water yesterday. Good to see it took a hike.
I did two 20 minute sessions yesterday on the treadmill. I didn't want to come blasting back to cardio only to find myself in major pain, so I thought two 20 minute sessions would be nice. It was! Long enough to blast off 200 calories at a clip, so...400 calories yesterday. Makes up for my snack I had (soy/coconut milk "yogurt" and some Nature's Path cereal), which is so yummy, but...jeez, about 375 calories. Too many for a "snack," I'd say, but...I felt I needed some sugar in my system in the 60-90 minutes before I worked out (after a looooong day of working at school).
Watched a movie last night I'd recommend to anyone who has ever struggled with any kind of eating disorder (overeating, bulimia, anorexia...). It's a fictional story of two women who befriend each other (kind of); one is an overeater and one is anorexic. Being that I've been both of those women, I found it especially stirring. It's called DisFigured, and really, the thrust is on accepting yourself at the weight you're at right now, but also making efforts to change that fact if you're in a dysfunctional relationship with food. I guess emphasis on "health," would be a better thing to say? Good movie. Low budget movie, but good movie.
In the "bonus" section of the movie, there's a part where the writer (?) recommends a book, called "Rethinking Thin." I've already ordered it. I don't want to be fat anymore, but I don't want to be fat anymore for health reasons...well, that's 85% of the reason. The other 15% is because I wanna look hot! But, finally, the health reasons are larger (ha!) than the vanity reasons. It took me about 36 years to get there, but I finally got there.
Speaking of "hot..." So, I went out with the husband on Saturday night. I got all brave and wore a dress that shows a lot of boob, but in a rather tasteful way. The rest of the dress is flowy, though not "mumu-ish," so it's a nice balance. I kept the make up and jewelry to a minimum so that I didn't cross over into "floozy" category. Can I tell you, ladies, cleavage draws a lot of attention. We were in a very high end restaurant, so, it was subtle attention, but attention none the less. The husband asked at one point: "Does it flatter you, or does it make you feel uncomfortable when someone (guy) looks at your boobs?" I thought carefully for a moment... I said: "It doesn't really make me feel anything. It's human nature to look. I look, for heaven's sake, when there's a lot of cleavage...you can't HELP it...and I'm no where near lesbian...so, no...I don't know...it doesn't really mean anything to me." And I don't think it does. But, it's odd to have to come to terms with people LOOKING at you again.
Has anyone else had to work through that? I know you have, ladies... come on and share... how do you get completely comfortable with people looking at you again?
Ah, speaking of "looking..." I did something I thought I'd never do again...I bought a full length mirror. Unless you've ever been REALLY overweight, you may not get this concept. I had a hard enough time looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, let alone my WHOLE body. So, this is big (ha! I'm full of puns!).
Well, I'm arf to do a quickie 15-20 minute exercise session before showering and heading into school. I enjoy these leisurely days...I think I'll get to school about 9:30 or so. Ahhhh....
Cheers,
FatMom
