Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Day 35...weigh in tomorrow~

Tommorow I weigh in. I'm looking forward to it. I find it interesting, though...when I weigh myself every day, I'm not confronted with a huge build up of anticipation, only to sometimes be dashed by perhaps a "nothing lost" number, and, on occasion, crushed by a GAIN! There's no huge surge of emotion...either happiness, confusion, anger, sadness, elation, surprise... Just a "hmmm..." feeling when I see the red number on a DAILY basis. But when I've worked hard for a week, there's that feeling where I'm holding my breath...crossing fingers, praying...as I step on the scale.

Wish me luck,


P.S.: Concert was good, though I could have babysat 99% of those in attendance when they were NEWBORNS (and I was in late high school)...which is fine, except...I found those teens to be rude...shoving and pushing their way up closer to the stage...FatMom was knocked off kilter far more than once, and I'm no small cookie...but all in all, it was good. Late night, though, and I kept wanting to shout out to the crowd: HEY! Don't cha know it's a SCHOOL NIGHT?! Go HOME!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Day 34...weight? Waiting...

Ok, so I decided to not weigh myself this week until Wednesday. We'll try going back to not weighing every day (or, every hour as I am want--or is it "wont") to do...

Still feeling down, but oddly calm at the same time. I worked out hard today, since my cold is now just about all gone. It felt really good, and I pushed myself just enough to be able to know I'm going to feel it later.

Tonight I'm going to a concert with my beloved sister. I'm not sure how I'm going to be feeling tomorrow, since it'll be a late night, but it'll be worth it.

Still not ready to talk~


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Day 30...weight? IDK...

So, I figured something out...a real epiphany for me...yes, I know it's the whole "forest for the trees," type of thing, and maybe I'm a little slow, but I figured it out:


WHY am I depressed? Oh, gosh, nice girls don't talk about the why's...and I'm feeling very NICE and CONFORMIST this evening. Maybe later?

Big love,


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Day 29~

Day 29 and I SUCK! I SUCK, I SUCK, I SUCK...and not in the way my husband would hope, either.

Weight? Not totally sure.

Food? Like I'm going to the chair.

Today? Better, though. Even made it to the gym.

I HATE, HATE, HATE PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it's really my fault, I do know that. But...it's just so much easier to blame something else.



Saturday, January 12, 2008

Day 18...183 pounds~

I'm up a bit in the ole weight department, but it may be because I've started exercising again, and could be retaining water. Either that, or I'm just eating too much--ha ha...oh, wait, that's not funny...

Just read my cyber-friend, Kim's, weight loss blog. She was talking about how for a long time people did not comment on her weight loss, and now, people are. Her thoughts were: oh, jeez, now I've got to MAINTAIN my loss...scary! (I'm paraphrasing here, and hope I got it correct) Got me to thinking about my own feelings about weight loss...

I'm sitting at 40 pounds gone, and really, it wasn't until 30 pounds that ANYbody said a THING about my weight loss. I was large...220 pounds, but...still, one should have been able to tell I'd lost weight, right? Maybe not... Anyhow, somewhere around 30 pounds people started commenting. And at first, it was nice. But now, people go ON and ON about how awesome I look. Can I say that it is making me a little bit uncomfortable? Can I also say something without sounding like a self-absorbed twinkie? I'm not so sure I'm comfortable going back to being thought of as the 'pretty one.' I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of attention. Seriously. I thought I would enjoy it again, but it makes me feel worthless, actually; as if my looks are the only thing that's important. I don't want it to be like that.

I swear I'm not a shrew.



Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Day 15...181 pounds

So, last night I watched "Biggest Loser." It's an ok show. I really don't LOVE it...I'm more of a "just give me the bottom line" kind of gal, so all that fluff with the video of them calling home made me wish I had my book next to me to fill the idle time. But you know, I found it interesting when Jillian called Neill on his "padding," and all the stuff he was trying to hide from in his life. Yeah...it's much more difficult to hide when you're revealing yourself by losing excess pounds. You've got to confront things head on. Kind of scary.



Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Day 14...181 pounds

Ah, I'm a wee bit sore today. I hit the gym the last few days (as promised, folks!), and things are going well. I have definitely lost some of my fitness over the last couple of months that I half-heartedly went to the gym...and it shows. On the PLUS side, when you're in not such great shape, it's easy to measure your success at the beginning! So, yesterday and today I did 3.3 miles each day, running at a pace that a toddler could likely beat, but...hey...it's a (new) start.

Food has been excellent!! I'm so excited! Doing very well with the whole eating thing. I'm at 181 now, so...2 more pounds to reach my (previous) low, and then I'm only gaining ground from there.

Reading "The Beck Diet Solution" right now as part of a book club. Nifty book! And, ohhhh, isn't "Biggest Loser" on tonight? Oh, lucky me!

Nothing too "meaty" to write about right now. WAIT! I just thought of something...I was at they gym today, and I SWEAR, this guy was flirting with me! I think he was. Well, maybe? I have no idea, it's been sooo long for me. Whatever... Hoping everyone is well and that they're enjoying their new year~



Thursday, January 3, 2008

Day 9...Right on!

182.8 pounds

So, I promised I'd talk about my plans for the new year. I hesitate to call them "resolutions," because in the past, that word has not served me well. I'd like to begin this discussion with a couple of quotes regarding the new year I find amusing and thought provoking:

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. ~Author Unknown

And, perhaps more upbeat, from our old pal, Ben Franklin:

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

Yes, this year I hope to become a 'better man...' or 'woman,' as the case may be. I also hope to be a much lighter version of myself when I ring in next year. My plan for the first portion of the year is to lose, lose, lose. My birthday is in mid June, and that's when I'd like to reach my 'basic' goal weight. I say 'basic,' because I keep reading about the 'healthiest' weights, and I do see the health benefit of being within 5-10 pounds of our weight at around age 18-21. Well, I see the benefit from an INTELLECTUAL point of view, but from a PRACTICAL point of view? How can that really be? At 18, I was not a mother yet. My body had not gone through multiple pregnancies in a short period of time; I hadn't ballooned up to an astronomical weight yet...so, how REALISTIC is it that I should be 120 pounds again? So, anyhow, long story short...my primary goal is 140 pounds. I think that's realistic and would allow me to eat the occasional slice of cake. If I can somehow make it down to 120 without torture, then, ok. If not, 140 is peachy with me.

Exercise needs to be a central part of my life; no exceptions. I've been a weenie about it the last few months, and it's really worn me down. It also shows on the scale...I could've been so much farther in my weight loss journey if I'd just stuck with it...*sigh*

Stress relief is going to be an integral part of my day this year, too. I need to calm the $*@& down!

Are you a list person? Would you rather just get to the 'meat' of the story? Me, too. So, here it goes:

FatMom's goals for 2008:

1. Spend the first 5 months focusing primarily on weight loss. I have 23 weeks until my birthday. To be at 140 pounds by then, I need to lose an average of 1.9 pounds a week. Ok, doesn't sound tooooo terrible.

2. Exercise, exercise, exercise. No excuses! For variety, change up the routine every couple of months. I'd like to take a belly dancing class. Perhaps tai chi, too. Ahhh, and yoga, too. Oh, and this fall, a tennis class. I also want to learn to kayak.

3. Impart more FUN into my life!

4. Complete my first 5K outside of the gym!

So, here's to a new year and a different version of myself~


P.S.: Did anyone see You: On a Diet on t.v. last night? The only thing that floored me was when they showed the heart of an obese person versus the heart of a thin person. Holy cow, but the obese heart was the size of a HUGE dinner plate, and the thin person's heart was the size of...well, a fist, the size it should be! Where's the treadmill?!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Day 8...going fine

185.6 pounds~

My eating has been quite good...still no exercise...next week...feeling worn out...feeling a little depressed about school starting up again...money concerns right now...but, it's all ok.

I'll make it.

Don't have the energy to write about my '08 goals today. Maybe tomorrow.

Happy New Year, friends~