Day 121...weight? Find out tomorrow~

So, FATINAH asked how I knew I was "stagnating." I know because I'm only doing my plan half assed. I'm exercising, but I'm overeating. A + B does not equal C here. I read somewhere that diet (caloric restriction as well as WHAT you're eating) is about 70% of the necessary component to weight loss while exercise is only about 30%. That was my problem all along, for the past several years. I'd exercise, sure...but I'd EAT like a hog in heat. I NEED to get A and B to work TOGETHER, and not in opposition to each other. THAT's when I can be successful. But my big problemo is that I EAT when I'm emotional (in any shape or form), and I'm an EMOTIONAL person, so...you can see the quandary. I'd love about 6 months of basically no emotions! HA! Yeah, that's what I need!! 6 months to take off the next 20-30 or so pounds.

But I do get down. I had such grand plans for the first half of 2008, and they all seem to have gotten tossed by the side of the road. Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men (and FatMom)...

Thanks for being so kind to me.

TODAY (and yesterday), I was good to myself. I exercised, and I ate on plan. Beautifully and simply on plan. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I will NOT starve. That hunger pangs are OK, and they will not KILL me. I'm trying to tap into a zen like mind set...like the one I get into when I run.

Thanks for caring,

FatMom

Day 119...not weighing...

I think I need to change the title of my blog from "FatMom Is A LOSER" to "FatMom Is A Maintainer." Or "FatMom is STAGNATING." Or even "FatMom Is A Pissy Whiner."

Grrrr...

xoxo,

FatMom

Day 118...not so sure about the weight...

Yeah, I read in some article that Ali on BL was working out 8 hours a DAY right at the end of BL. Good for her, but...come on! Get real! WHO can work out 8 hours a day unless that is your JOB? Even then...man...that just can't be healthy.

Today I heard a word I haven't used in a long time...you know how sometimes when you hear a word, you think: Cool word! I've got to use that more! Yes, well, I heard a word that described my mood lately: FESTER(ING). I added the "ing" for today. Fester. Awesome word. I've been festering. I don't like festering.

Lots o' love,

FatMom

Day 114...still "weighting"

Not much goin' on... jeez, did you watch the finale of Biggest Loser on Tuesday? Good LORD! I stopped watching about 4 weeks into that show because I can't stand how they make a half hour show into 2 FREAKING hours! So, I hadn't seen the transformations as they happened. I have to say...I was horrified by Ali. She looked like an alien. She looked...well, odd to me. Was it her haircut? Her VERY dark (fake'n'bake?) skin? I'm not sure, but I didn't like how she looked. The others (except for that one brother...the one with the beard, who ALSO looked odd to me), looked great! I was so excited for them. I guess 99 or 150 pounds in 6 (SIX!!!) months is an awful lot of weight to lose in such a short period of time, and...well, you may just look weird for a while. Good for them... BUT, what I know NOW, though, is I'd never want to lose THAT much weight THAT fast...nope...no way. Jeez, if I lost more than 40 pounds in 6 months, I'd probably be able to tie my boobs around my neck in a bow tie.

In other news...well, there IS no other news. I continue to work out...and interestingly enough, I've had several people ask me this week if I'd lost more weight. NO! Strange...

Hope everyone is well,

FatMom

Day 111...not weighing in for at least 10 more days!

A poem...especially for my cyber friends Kim and FATINAH...now maybe you've read this before, but, please, read it again...(yes, it's long, but...hey, that's ok):

You Are A Child of The Universe

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly, and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. (this is for FatMom)

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. (this is for FATINAH)

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. (for Kim & FATINAH)

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace with your soul. (for FATINAH)

With all its sham, drudgery,and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. Max Ehrmann 1927

In peace,

FatMom

Day 108...188.6 pounds!

Yipes...there it is, in black and white! 188.2. So...that's 10 pounds. Mercy me. Here's the other ugliness, just in case that number wasn't enough to make you cringe:

waist: 37.25"

my huge belly roll: 46"

hips: 42.25"

thigh: 24.75"

arm: 12.75"

No, I don't measure the boobs or the calves or the neck...my boobs are large, who cares if they shrink? Calves? Those don't change a whole bunch, and my neck? Well, I can see the changes there, quite easily.

I tend to gain and lose weight first in two distinct places: my face/neck and boobs. That's the FIRST place I'll notice any difference. Interesting...

I did work out 5 times this week! Yippeee!!! I am trying to ease back into things slowly, so I only logged 8.75 miles, but I did weights (alternating muscle groups) for those 5 days, too. Good, good... Food today has been on track. Feeling a little hungry, though, so I'd better go take care of that asap.

Wishing you well,

FatMom

Day 107...Even MORE than yesterday! How?!

So, here's my plan...I figured I should have a PLAN...so here it is:

I have two very big events coming up in the next 3 months...yes, I know we shouldn't try to lose weight FOR events, and that's not actually, totally, what I'm doing...those two events are more of a calendar marker...a landmark of sorts, I suppose...ANY-way, one is in mid June, and the other one is in mid July. So, here's my plan, at least for the next 30 days, at which time I will re-evaluate and see if I need to tweak anything:

1. I will not weigh myself for at LEAST 2 weeks, preferably 4 weeks

2. I will eat in the range of 1450 calories a day

3. I will exercise, in one way or another, 5 times a week

At the end of the month, I will re-weigh and re-measure and possibly re-evaluate my plan.

Sound good? Good...

Latuh,

FatMom

Day 106...188.2 pounds! HOLY SH%&!

Yes, you read that right! I know! 10 pounds I've gained in about a month. I am just shocked. Blown away...this happens to me every vacation (except summer). I eat when I'm stressed and/or depressed. And, boy, howdy, was I going nuts this last month. Things have gotten dramatically better for me in my personal life, but now I've got these food/eating habits again that I need to pound back into the ground. I just eat and eat without tasting the food, eating like a shark...a lot of food. Not a freakishly large amount of food, but...well, I guess it has been in order to GAIN 10 pounds (now, I am on my period, so, I'm hoping that has several pounds to do with it...). I also didn't exercise for a month. Bingo...what a freaking dork I am. I am just about the dumbest person around.

But here's the totally weird thing: I'm not actually berating myself senseless about it. I'm not happy with myself, but...I'm not loathing myself, because that's what would KEEP me in this place, and I don't want to stay here. I do, however, need to figure out a way to keep this pattern from returning again and again. SOOOOOO easy for me to gain 10 pounds, and SOOOOO hard for me to lose 10 pounds. Not easy come, easy go...

Take care,

FatMom

Day 102...Weight...low 180's...gasp!

Well, I sure let myself go this vacation. A regular vacation while ON vacation. I aim to get back on track here when we return to the ole grind on Monday. Been eating not so well. But feeling fab emotionally. Icky physically. Not bad, but just...that "oh, man, I know I can feel so much better" feeling. I've also figured out at EXACTLY what weight I need to be at to have my belly roll return. Too funny...

I was talking to a very close friend of mine on Friday about losing weight, counting calories, etc...and I told her I really resist tracking calories because it reminds me of my anorexic days where I would obsessively count the VERY few calories I WOULD eat in a day (about 300 if you're wondering...sick, sick, sick...). ANY-way, she said she hates tracking too, and devised (or perhaps borrowed, I'm not sure) a plan where she has breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack cards labeled with options that fit into her daily calorie distribution so that she doesn't have to really count calories. Since most of us tend to eat the same basic handful of meals, BY GEORGE, I think it may just work! I shall give it the ole college try!

Spent yesterday at beautiful Muir Woods, located just north of SF. Man, oh, man...what a lovely place! You just sometimes forget that within a 2 hour drive of where you live, there are SO many wonderful things you may not even realize are there. We had a blast! One thing that struck me...they had a chunk of a tree trunk, showing it's various rings...and they labeled what major events were happening at that time in the tree's life...it was "born" in 909 A.D.! Freakin' A, that's just even hard to imagine. They had all kinds of other events labeled, such as Columbus sails to America, the birth of the colonies, and so much more that I can't remember. But...it just blew me a way. It makes my life seem so small. Such a nanosecond on the watch of the universe and all that. *sigh* It was super cool!

Well, got to get back at it~

FatMom

P.S.: OHHHHH...I wanted to tell you about a website I found... http://www.foodfacts.info/ SCARY stuff...I ate at Carl's Jr. today...I know, I know...can you BELIEVE the fat?! Good GAWD!