Day 65...177 pounds

Guess what? Yesterday, when I got on the scale, it said 176 point something or other. I was all excited!! (I round DOWN, see)... so, being so excited, I got on the scale AGAIN, and it said 177.0. So of course I got on and off 3 more times just to "make sure." Each time it said 177.0, so that is the weight I shall cop to this week. Jeez, I even let out every gram of breath in me to see if I could get it to 176! No dice!

Is anyone else this weird about the scale?

I also took my measurements last week. I hadn't taken them since January 2nd, and I am excited to report that I lost inches! Yippee!!!! That's such an awesome feeling. Wish I could get the scale to cooperate, though, too!!! I'm too old school, I think. The scale is the ultimate measure of my success...silly, me knows, but...still...

Exercise is going well...a little sore the last few days and my feet are really annoyed. I LOVE wearing heels, but they just wreck my feet! By the time I get into my tennis shoes to work out, they already hurt. THEN, I pound out 3.5-4 miles, and, well, you can guess the rest. You know what sounds positively orgasmic? A foot massage by someone who knows what they're doing! (interesting side note: when I went to type the word "foot" in the last sentence, my fingers actually typed "food!")

On the plus side, weather here in CA is super! Gorgeous, sunny, clear, 70 degree weather! BEAUTIFUL! The only down side??? I know my allergies are going to start kicking back up soon...

Ciao, babies~

FatMom

Day 62...still not totally sure about weight~

Wow, so, tis the season for high school reunion invites, eh? I am going hardcore from now until July when my personal blessed event will take place...will you? Though I do have to admit to having human tendencies, and I do, at times, mess up. But you know what's weird? When I mess up now, it's (mostly) a conscious decision and I ENJOY it! I can 'enjoy' it because I know it's relegated to a small moment in time where I say: I'm going to eat X and love every moment of it because I know at my next meal, I will make completely sane choices.

THAT, my friends, is power. I feel strong when I can do that with nary a wrinkle at my brow.

Today, I feel strong.

Lots 'o love,

FatMom

Day 56...weight? Unknown....it's my TOM!

Well, it's been a fine week. Nothing special, but nothing horrible. I did get some decent work outs in, and food hasn't been too tough, considering it's my TOM. My weight went up along with the TOM, so...I don't know if there's any collateral damage or not. I'm hoping not.

I was just reading my "cyber friend" Kim's blog...I know I talk about her a lot, but you've got to understand she is such an inspiration to me. She's exercising like a fiend, and she's obviously keeping on top of her food quite well...she's lost 70 pounds, y'all! I'm so happy for her!!! She was discussing how she's kind of "stuck" at 70 pounds. The same way I seem to be somewhat "stuck" at 40 pounds. Is this "stuck-ed-ness" due to a REAL, PHYSICAL factor, or is it a sneaky psychological factor? Hmmm...I've been thinking of that...I really do belive I want to lose more weight. So...why isn't it happening in a more expeditious manner? I think I still overeat JUST ENOUGH to keep my losses generally in the category of 'mere ounces.'

Interesting... OH, and guess what? My 20 year high school renuion, I just found out, is in 5 months. Better get to crackin', huh? Though my 10 year reunion (well, it was actually 11 years, because that's just how organized our class was!), I was probably a solid 230 pounds. I saw photos (black and white PHOTOcopy PHOTOS, mind you), and I still looked horrible. To say I was embarassed would be an understatement. When I left high school, I was 115 pounds, and I thought I was grossly overweight! ha! Most of high school, I was under a hundred pounds. So silly to think of it now. Can you imagine how shocked those people were to see me? Gosh, I swear I'd changed more than anyone...ANY-way, I suppose just based on the fact that I am about 60 pounds lighter than I was at that reunion that I look better. Still, it would be awesome to drop another 20 before then. I was 'supposed' to be at my goal weight of 140 by June (my BD), but...I just don't know if that's feasible at this point in the game.

Onward, my friends~
FatMom

Day 51...177 pounds~

Happy Valentine's Day (barf). I HATE Valentine's Day. Come to think of it, I also hate Christmas. I dislike most holidays. Why? Not totally sure. I started to dislike holidays after the parents died. Blah...

However, I was very touched by the display of kindess and affection from my students today. Totally sweet!!! And thoroughly unexpected. THAT is nice. I guess I one of the reasons I hate Valentine's Day is because it's so...manufactured. But kids get so excited when they give you a gift. You can't help but smile and feel your heart swell.

On the flip side, most of them gave me chocolate. As if I need THAT?! Are they TRYING to keep me fat? ha ha...

Weight is steady...but I'm ok with that, as it's nearly my TOM. Haven't gone berserk on food yet due to flagging hormones, so that's good, too. Bashed my knee SOOOO hard last night, I couldn't run today. I hit that sucker so hard I almost threw up. Not a pretty moment for me...But I didn't scream obscenities...so, that's one in the ole plus column.

Wishing everyone well,
FatMom

Day 48~ Weight? Not sure...didn't look today~

So, I'm feeling anxious, irritable, a little weepy and hungry. PMS? Shouldn't be quite yet. Hmmm... I was feeling fine until I got to work this morning...then, that's when I saw IT. One of my co-teacher was going to be out this afternoon and I was scheduled to cover her class for the remainder of the day. The time when I GO TO THE GYM. I was immediately annoyed. They do they not ASK if I CAN cover the class, they just take for granted that I can and will. Could I have said NO? I suppose I could have. But let me tell you...I've not come across another profession where feelings and egos are so much a part of getting ahead or left in the dust. So, you COULD say no, but is that a smart career move? That is the question...Because education seems to be dominated by women (especially in the lower elementary grades), it's all about FEELINGS and LOYALTY and being SUPPORTIVE (read: when I want something, you'd better give it to me, or it means you don't like me, and if you don't like me, then I'm going to tell everyone you suck at your job even though I don't REALLY think you do, but you've hurt my FEELINGS, so I'm going to tell everyone...) You get the drift...

So, anyhow...I didn't go to the gym. I was mad about it because I have figured out that exercise is critical to my over all sense of well being. This is because:

1. I feel good about making the necessary strides to reach my goals of health and fitness
2. When I'm working out really hard, all I can concentrate on at that moment is simply breathing
3. After I'm done working out really hard, I can't care about anything unless it's super important, as I just don't have the energy

Working out calms my spirit and my mind. I have to have that, or I'll go nuts. I'm disappointed in myself. But I suppose I'll live.

Onward,
FatMom

Day 47...176...Ohhhhh, ahhhhh....

I can hardly believe it...176. Too excited. Did 4.5 miles yesterday at a pace that just about gave me a heart attack. For the first time since I started this whole jog/run/walk thingie that I do, I felt a little queasy in the ole tummy from working a LEETLE harder than was probably smart. But it was worth it!

I am seeing a new shape taking over my body and it's nice. I REALLY looked at myself in the mirror this morning (nude, mind you), and for the first time in YEARS wasn't disgusted. I was not jazzed by what I saw, but I wasn't berating myself, either. Progress, progress.

Suppose I will always have a LARGE belly roll that hangs down and sits just above my lady gear. Tummy tuck is my fantasy, but...I don't know that I could actually cut off a huge chunk of my skin. I'm rather attached to it...it bears the evidence of my two children, after all. I'm the kind of person who busts out in a stretch mark if anyone even SAYS the word "stretch mark." Found the first ones when I hit puberty, and, trust me, I was not crazy overweight. I thought I was. My family told me I was, my classmates told me I was, but I know now I wasn't. I was NORMAL. So, I suppose I'll keep it, but it makes things a little difficult when it comes to certain clothes, because even now, I'm a 12/14 around the waist, and more like a 14/16 around my lower belly. So, either I have a huge gap at the waist band, or it's tight across the belly. A little frustrating. OH, and trying to wear certain clothes just doesn't work, because one can clearly see the outline of the tire, which is just kind of gross. My son (who is 12.5), laughs hysterically when I grab the tire in both hands and shake it up and down. He loves to take his fingers and poke them into my belly whilst making a squishy noise...pretending his whole hand is disappearing into my belly. He thinks it's funny. In a way, I do, too. I laugh along with him. I think he finds it facinating because he is just about as thin as a person could be without someone thinking he never gets to eat. But then I point out that the belly is getting smaller...he agrees... My daughter, on the other hand, thinks my belly is about the most disgusting thing she's ever seen! She's just turned 11, and has definite ideas about how a healthy body should look, and my belly just doesn't match that idea. She hates when I play with the belly. So, I don't do it in front of her.

This whole weight loss journey is so interesting. Who would have thought that SO much more changes than just the scale and how one's clothes fit? I knew it would be a big change, but...still, I do find it surprising at times.

Cheers,
FatMom

Day 44~ 178!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, wow, wow! Did my bleary eyes deceive me this morning? Nope, it was 178! Toooo cool!

So, I had a friend recently ask me about how I overhauled my eating habits...and she asked me for tips! Can you believe it?! FATMOM? Eating tips? And it didn't involve desserts or cream sauces? It was an interesting little paragraph or two I wrote...here's what I said:

Tips? Well...I transitioned slowly. When I went vegan (I know that's not your intention, but it'll help explain), I told myself that for the first month, I wasn't going to concern myself one little bit with how healthy I was eating, as long as I was eating vegan. So, it was everything from the healthy stuff to peanut butter and potato chips. Then, the second month, I decided I was going to cut out most of the junk (hey, I'm only human), but I could eat as much as I wanted. The third month, I started being careful about how much I ate. And, so, now here we are over a year later. I'm 42 pounds lighter and have never felt better. I can easily run 5 miles at a time, and nothing hurts anymore. I aim to lose 40 more...that would be ideal. But 20 would be fine, too.
SO, in effect, I'd just advise that you take it slow; don't try to overhaul a life time of eating habits in a week. Trade less healthy options for more healthy ones, such as whole wheat pasta for regular; rice crackers for potato chips, etc...Vegetables and fruits are key...as is a LOT of water. Exercise is important, but not where it's killing you and you dread it. Find out what YOU like to do. Weight lifting, I think, though, is super important. Any weight bearing exercise or cardio is awesome as it strengthens your bones better than all the milk on the planet. If you don't know a lot about nutrition, Dr. Weil has some cd's to listen to that make it all fairly simple...he's got one that's really good...though I can't remember the name of it!! I do remember that it's on one CD, and it's about 74 minutes long. He puts things into simple language. Ummm...if overeating is a problem for you (it was for me), learn which foods cause you to "fall off the wagon" and avoid them like the plague. If you DO make a mistake, chalk it up to learning, and immediately move on. Don't get discouraged if you don't see much happening, because eventually, IT WILL. I went on a new diet every freaking month for YEARS, only to have it last all of 2 days. It was only when I decided to be in it for the LONG haul, and to change my HEALTH, that it stuck; before I was only fixated on losing weight; that, actually, doesn't work. You have to find a larger reason, and mine was that I simply wanted to be more healthy.

Interesting, huh? To think I'd be here right now...Wow...hold on, just basking for the moment...ok, back to work! Can't slouch when it comes to this whole battle of the bulge. Because ya know...tomorrow the scale COULD say 179 again.

Cheers,

FatMom

Day 43~ 179 pounds

Wow, has it been over a week since I last checked in? Man, oh, man... Well, last week, I was at 181, hoping to make it to 179 by today, and guess what, y'all? I DID IT! Down to my "all time low" weight (well, lowest weight in recent history...I used to weigh 83 pounds when I was anorexic, so, not my all time LOWEST weight!). ANY-way, I'm excited, because next week, when I post a loss again, and I know I can...I will be lower than ever! I've gained and lost the same crappy 5 pounds since November! GAK! So, I'm excited thinking next week, I'll be able to post a "REAL" loss.

Food has been good. Not been feeling great, so, actually, that's a help when it comes to the food thing. Not so great, though, on the work out front. EVERYbody at school (teachers, staff and students) has had either a NASTY respiratory flu, or the stomach flu, and I've not been feeling well for days now. But, I try to be ultra careful, so I'm hoping that I just have a mild case of the "disease of the week." Decided I should skip the ole workout today in the hopes that I'd kind of knock out whatever is trying to drag me down. Though I think a day in bed may be what I actually need.

Enjoy, my blogging friends~

FatMom