So, yesterday I went to the library to get some health books. It's really one of my obsessions. I read and read and read and read...thinking I'm going to learn something about losing weight and being healthier in general. I read obsessively as if I'm going to read a life altering sentence in one of those books that causes me to drop the next 50 pounds as easily as it is to GAIN said 50 pounds. My husband once asked me (in a not unkind manner: Why do you keep reading those books? My response: Because I know if I just look long enough, I'll find the answer (to my weight dilemma). Of course the answer is INSIDE of me...but that's another story) ANY-way, don't you know, that as an obese person, I could WRITE the damn books myself?! I know all there is to know about eating right. It's the actual DOING part of it that I have difficulty with.
But I keep searching. Right now I'm reading a classic: Dr. Dean Ornish's book, Eat More, Weigh Less. Basically, his principle boils (ha!) down to this: eat essentially all grains/fruits/vegs, VERY little ovo-lacto, no meat...and no fat, and you can eat all ya want! Sure, that makes sense. I subscribe to that principle (well, minus the ovo-lacto thingie). What really caught me, though, was one small section at the beginning of this little gem where he addresses the whole "food/emotion" quandary. Here's a little excerpt (a little long, but well worth the read):
"We use food not only to try to feed the emptiness but also to add to our pain by punishing ourselves when we seem unable to follow a diet. We attribute moral qualities to foods--'good foods' or 'bad foods'--and thus to ourselves or others who eat those foods...We give food the power to make us happy or sad, and in some cases even to control our lives. The addiction comes from believing that it is the food...that fills the void rather than realizing that we create the void by believing we're isolated and only isolated....you may find yourself eating the foods in secret, which only reinforces the power of the food. And when you eat in secret, then you further isolate yourself from your inner voice and your most intimate feelings...But food has no power other than what we give to it. Food is just food, nothing more or less...We empower food when we believe it can bring us the peace and wholeness we have forgotten. We are afraid of food when we think it's bad. But we are looking in the wrong place. We don't need more willpower; we need more understanding."
Wow. That's deep. I always know I'm in big trouble when I start hiding my food. THAT's when I know I'm consumed by my addiction. I need to learn the signals that tell me I'm sliding into the quicksand that is my addiction and not struggle against my lack of "willpower." I need to RELAX and accept that food IS simply food and that the only power it has is the power I choose to give it. I need to feed my soul and not my stomach.
Ok, I'm done being philosophical.
Looking forward to staying on plan today...heard about a book I haven't read that I'm going to order from my local public library (ah, tax dollars...thank you!)...Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. Looks pretty good, though I got the basic premise of it from my best friend, Google. Still, you know how I loves to read the books!
Wonder when I'll finally bring exercise back into my plan? Probably on the 7th when we all go back to school. I need to figure out how to get music on my iPod...yes, I've had it for a year, and still haven't figured out how to put music on it...but, like the title says here: FatMom is a Loser!